Why DID the Chicken Cross the Road?

It's been bothering me and the McDonald's billboard NEVER has the answer. SO according to a compilation of quotes I found on the internet... here are the qualified candidates for a good answer:
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

1. Plato: For the greater good.
2. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
3. Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
4. Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
5. Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
6. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
7. Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
8. Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
9. Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
10. Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road,” and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. 
11. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
12. Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
13. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
14. Salvador Dali: The Fish.
15. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
16. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
17. Epicurus: For fun.
18. Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
19. Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it. 
20. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
21. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
22. David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
23. The Sphinx: You tell me.
24. Sappho: Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas’ fine armies.
25. Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately… and suck all the marrow out of life.
26. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
27. Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
28. Joseph Stalin: I don’t care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omelette.
29. Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
30. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
31. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.
32. Andersen Consultant: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management  framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
33. Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn’t cross the road. It was planted there by the police as part of a conspiracy to frame the species!
34. Rodney King: Why can’t the chicken just cross the road?
35. Bill Clinton: Did some one say Chicken McNuggets?
36. Moses: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” and the chicken did cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.
37. Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road, I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road. I don’t know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
38. Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask ‘what was this chicken doing out of his pen walking around all over the place anyway?’
39. Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken did cross the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
40. Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 780. Which will not only cross roads but will also lay eggs and file your important documents. And Explorer is an inextricable part of the Chicken Coop 98 operating system.
41. Oliver Stone: The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road” But it is rather, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, and whom have we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing”
42. Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predispositioned to cross roads.
43. Grandpa: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us he had and that was good enough for us.
44. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.
45. Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!  The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
46. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads, without having their motives called into question.
47. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion…  We are quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
48. RONALD REAGAN: What chicken? I don’t remember any chicken…
49. BILL CLINTON: I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. That do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
50. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
51. Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
52. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isnt it obvious? Cant you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. Thats what they call it: the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. Its as plain and simple as that.
53. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
54. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
55. KEN STARR I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the presidents ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
56. LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.